“You Choo-Choo Choose Me?”

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day…again.

You fall into one of…let’s say three categories on this Hallmark holiday.

You are either married or in a relationship, which makes this day mandatory, you took to Tinder and found a date for tonight, hoping the app does what it’s intended to do, or you’re single.

I fall into the third category. You’re either content or you feel like society is judging you. I have felt both. This year, I don’t care.

I’m pushing 30 and I just don’t care.

Valentine’s Day is like going to Disney World: there’s pressure to really like it. I’ve been to Disney World as a kid and liked it, but I won’t go back until I have my own kids or I’m named Super Bowl MVP (which won’t happen).

As stated a few paragraphs back, I called the holiday what it is. It’s a commercialized holiday to sell chocolate left over from Halloween and a way to clear space at Walgreens for graduation cards in May.

If anything, I blame the pressure of elementary school Valentine’s Days.

Remember? You had to make a mailbox AND had to give everybody a Valentine.

The Simpsons episode “I Love Lisa” is a great example of this. We all see ourselves as Lisa, but some of us are Ralph Wiggum.

Poor, dim Ralph. Left with zero cards (I guess Miss Hoover didn’t have a “Valentine from each student” policy). Lisa gives him a card out of pity, giving Ralph the idea that Lisa likes him.

In the end, she breaks his heart in what is one of the funniest and at the same time, saddest moments in the show’s history thanks to Bart but like most episodes, it ends with both becoming friends while “Monster Mash” plays on KBBL (the official song of Valentine’s Day and Presidents Day for me).

What’s the lesson? Well, it’s that not everybody loves everybody (sorry, Jackie Moon). Sure, when we’re young, we learn and grow through interaction with kids our age. Someone probably thought this would carry over into adulthood. Well, not entirely.

You learn it’s easier to be mean than nice when you venture out on your own. Each February 14th after you leave grade school is met with the reality that not everyone is going to give you a “Ren and Stimpy” themed Valentine.

So, if you got somebody to spend money on to express your feelings for, great. If you don’t, do what Tom and Donna say and “Treat Yo Self!”. Because not everybody really “Choo Choo Chooses You”.

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